Weeks before flight that Orbitz emails confirmation: 6

Weeks before flight that Orbitz emails cancellation: 0

Days before flight that Orbitz emails cancellation: 0

Minutes before flight that Orbitz emails cancellation: 25

***

Crashes world-wide of Boeing 737 Max 8’s in last five months: 2

Crash survivors: 0

Date of most recent crash: 03-10-2019

Date FAA states publicly that Boeing 737 Max 8’s are safe to fly: 03-12-2019

Date President Trump states publicly that Boeing 737 Max 8’s are grounded: 03-13-2019

Date of our flight: 03-30-2019

***

Tiny stars tattooed up American Airlines customer service gate agent’s neck: 3

Minutes gate agent searches for one-stop flight, destination Fresno-Yosemite: 55

Minutes gate agent searches for two-stop flight, destination Fresno-Yosemite: ½

***

Hours added to travel time: 9

California National Parks planned to visit: 3

California National Parks visited: 2

***

Degrees oven heated for 10 minutes to enjoy homemade – best if sprinkled with water – bread by Robin (rental homeowner in Three Rivers, near Sequoia National Park): 350

Number of times in 3-nights Cheryl said I love this house (and Robin, who’d thought of everything): 9

***

Average mph on hairpin curves inside Sequoia National Park: 12

Average number of hairpin curves per mile of road: 10

Dramamine pills, patches, chewables stocked in rental home: 0,0,0

Number of times, per mile, wife, head-in-hand said, not so fast baby: 10

***

Cubic feet of General Sherman (Sequoiadendron giganteum): 52,500

Age of General Sherman, considered middle-aged: 2000

Age of my life’s general and I (Senilis populi) combined, considered middle-aged: 106

Feet elevation, Giant Forest: 6900

Feet snow piled atop hiking signs in Giant Forest: 3 – 4

Visitors who disobeyed mostly-buried signs warning to protect the General, stay behind rails: 20

Milennials in lulu lemon pants who posed with one leg up humping, hugging on General Sherman making peace sign and sticking out tongue: 1

Number of perky college co-eds wearing Keds fresh from climbing Moro Rock who encouraged my dubious wife, you got this: 2

Number of times hiker just ahead of us froze on Moro Rock –  unhealthy grip on iron rails, standing in a vigorous stream of meltwater – unable to move, panicked, yet shouted at in unsympathetic foreign language from his trailing companion cell to leap over a snow-pack crevasse, the shrieks ending abruptly with a compelling shove in ass: 2

***

Feet elevation in Sequoia Foothills: 2000

Feet of snow in Sequoia Foothills: 0

Foothills Visitor Center employees: 3

Foothills Visitor Center employees who advised proper dress on Marble Falls trail, a lovely trail this time of year when ticks are out in full force: 3

Cans of Deepwoods Off emptied onto skin, clothes, sunglasses, and camera lens: 2

Number of ticks I thought I’d seen crawling on blades of grass buttering my ankles to Marble Falls: 7,378

Tempo of Boston ear-worm song, Hitch a Ride, hummed to myself entire hike: 4/4

Map miles from Potwisha campground trailhead (near site #14) to Marble Falls: 2.7

Garmin miles from Potwisha campground dump (recommended by Visitor Center) to Marble Falls: 3.7

Number of hickory walking sticks carried by otherworldly tall, slim, bespectacled, white-bearded hiker dressed head-to-toe in anti-tick regalia: white hat, white neck-flap, white mosquito-net, white shirt, white pant tucked into white socks and striding and gliding and looking all the rolling hills like the Ghost of John Muir: 2

Number of ticks hitching a ride on me and Cheryl (protected, I believe, not by dint of Deet, but the Ghost of John Muir): 0

***

Feet elevation, Yosemite Valley: 3966

Feet elevation, Yosemite Mountain Hideaway rental: 6000

Nights at Mountain Hideaway: 4

Power outages at Mountain Hideaway: 4

Visits by Hideaway homeowner, Jeff Hornacek, to switch to backup power: 4

Amps drawn by electric heaters, unable to run on backup power: 30

Nightly low temperature at 6000 feet: 38F

Number of times I resisted googling ‘Jeff Hornacek’, wondering, that Jeff Hornacek?: 4

Feet from Mountain Hideaway to nearest charred, black spike of lodgepole pine, a spent-matchstick, the last hot lick in a stretch of dead-forest, an ominous reminder of last summer’s raging fires that closed the Park, of which Non-Baller Hornacek told me, We really thought we’d lost the neighborhood: 50

***

Feet elevation atop Nevada Falls: 5971

Hikes planned on Mist Trail to Nevada Falls: 1

Hikes diverted from Mist Trail to John Muir Trail, Winter Route, due to Avalanche Danger: 1

Deaths in 2019 due to hikers ignoring Park safety blockades: 2

Hikers I saw on Mist Trail ignoring Park safety blockades: 2

Number of rotting limbs (tree) planted in snow for wobbly handhold on slick ridge of Winter Route: 24

Number of tricky maneuvers in which I imagined myself Tommy Caldwell, professional rock climber: 3

Wiry septuagenarians in pink nylon track suit, spiked boots who passed me on way up: 1

Wiry septuagenarians in pink nylon track suit, spiked boots who passed me on way down: 1

Number of hikers in 2015 in Yosemite diagnosed with plague likely received from a flea bite transmitted by rodent: 2

Sightings of black bear, elk, mule deer: 0,0,10

Sightings of rodent: 0

***

Minutes waiting for Yosemite shuttle to Mirror Lake (promoted running every 15 to 20): 60

Mirror Lake reflection photos: 15 to 20

Places in Yosemite where you cannot hear the sound of bubbling, burbling, sprinkling, rushing, tumbling, or roaring water: 0

Number of rainbows seen in waterfalls: 1

***

Number of times hiking Cheryl uttered, I am not Tommy Caldwell; Do I look like Tommy Caldwell; Who do you think I am, Tommy Caldwell?, referencing the professional mountain climber featured in the Netflix documentary, Dawn Wall, who dedicated his life to scaling an impossible face of El Capitan: 124

Hours of climbing (per nps.gov/yose/planyourvisit) that Cheryl and I anticipate, in a summer or fall return to Yosemite, we’ll need to shinny up near El Capitan, not on El Capitan – who do you think we are, Tommy Caldwell? – but the imposing, glowing Half-Dome: 10 to 12