Take a look at my new toy

It’ll blow your head in two, oh boy

Truth Hits Everybody, The Police

I almost never refer to my mom as mother unless I’m joking.  But as my research plunged me deeper into this awesome and awful technology, mom simply felt too informal.  Whose lucid mom volunteers for brain surgery, anyway?  Every little thing a mom does is magic: she bakes chocolate chip cookies; stirs corn starch into a bubbling paprikash; rolls tender leaves of cabbage around peppered beef; crochets afghan throws; knits booties and sweater vests of her own free will.  Only a wacky mutha could sign on for a metal rod sunk through bony temple, smuggled past the parietal cortex, down deep to a dysfunctional sub-thalamus, the last stop before medulla oblongata.

Hearing my mother’s brain surgery had been scheduled for this June – two surgery dates actually, weeks apart (she qualified for an electrode implant in each hemisphere) – what had first come to mind was, how will this interfere with my annual summer visit?  Cheryl, wife and enlightened voice asked, why don’t you plan your trip to coincide with your Mom’s surgery?  Your sister would probably like the help.

The truth hits everybody, and mine arrived like a freight.  In line for brains, I thought they said trains and asked for one with frequent stops.  Is there a part of the brain evolved for empathy, and if so, would a scan of mine reveal a stone cold Homo neanderthalenthis: dormant, unlit, inactive?

On the other hand, if you’d told me years ago my mother would slowly evolve a disorder of the brain, I’d have replied, Tell me something I don’t know.

Step 1: Attach stereotactic frame

CLICK HERE to read on about the 8 Surgical Steps of Deep Brain Stimulation